What We Want Ain’t What We Need

[spacer height=”20px”] Have we all heard the saying “be careful what you wish for because you might just get it”, yes? Okay but what if you don’t get what you wish for, what if you get the complete opposite? I feel as though some of us are so stuck on what we want and our idea of how things should be that we miss out on the unexpected wonders. I’ll be the first to admit that I have a way in which I think things should pan out for me and if it’s not that way, I don’t want it. But I’m starting to realise that sometimes what we want isn’t always what we need or what will be good for us.

Classic example: I have the flu, I want ice cream nevertheless but will having ice cream do me any good right now?

I’ve learnt that it’s kind of the same thing with life.  This is something I’ve learnt in situations and continue to learn as I go along.  The most recent one has to do with love (yeah, again). And I’m not saying that this will be the case for everyone but it’s definitely something I’m gravitating towards. For a long time, I wanted to be with a handsome black man who is fluent in English and works in corporate and drives (still kinda do tbh), but what if I met a guy who was just starting his own company, had no sign of a car and wasn’t as fluent in English? What then? What if both these guys were thoughtful, kind and loving? Chances are I’d probably STILL go with the first guy because that’s what I’ve pictured for myself. What if I get the canvas but I don’t necessarily get the colour paint I expected. Many times, when we get what we’ve been praying for we reject it because it doesn’t come dressed the way we want or it doesn’t smell like what we wanted it to or it doesn’t have a car. We miss out on great people and great times because of our expectations.

I recently had this conversation with my sister and I was reaffirming her on her relationship (yes, I’m a single relationship expert). She’s always had an open heart and open mind about the type of guys she dates but that’s what we all say right? ‘I’m open to anything’ LOL.  First things first, she didn’t expect to meet the man of her dreams on Tinder. Imagine if she had swiped left because it’s not the ‘usual’ way of meeting a guy.  She then had to move out of her comfort zone AGAIN and text him first, so many of us are waiting for our one and only to approach us or text us first because it’s how things are done, right? It’s expected to be that way.

Oh! here’s another one: never in her life did she think she’d date a comedian, “it’s not a stable job” they said! What are the chances that comedy is his passion and he plans on being one of South Africa’s most talented comedians, what then huh? So, he didn’t really have the things that she expected her significant other to have but he came into her life when she needed him. Just when she was thinking of taking a timeout from relationships, he came along and gave her one more reason to try again. He’s literally everything she needed, in his own way he’s perfectly imperfect for her and it all makes sense.

There is nothing wrong with preference but we need to teach ourselves to be open minded and fall in love with people at their core and not what we see or expect. He may not have a car now but he may have one in the future. He may not necessarily be the weight you expect your ideal man to be but you can work the weight off, right? But there’s no workout for building kindness, affection, support into someone?


The trick about expectation is to not expect anything. Expect any outcome, always leave room for a different experience.

KADAN – (n) “where the heart lies”, an all-purpose word for a person one cares about, including friends, family and loved ones.

Yours in ✍🏾




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