The 5 Rule Guide To Collecting the Love L’s

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Its official – Unrequited Love is my Spillion 🤦🏾‍♀️

It takes a lot of gumption and pure heart to be able to take the Ls and become a starring in the Unrequited Love game. It’s not for the weak and disheartened. It’s only for the dedicated L collectors and thoroughbred thugs such as yours truly because I will tell you something people rarely admit: it’s the hardest title to maintain. Before you even ask how I made it to the ‘Boo-Boo-The-Fool’ level you have to truly be ready for the knowledge I will drop, and really accept the bad reputation that comes with being a true legend in the business. So I advise that you sit your pretty little butt down and grab a post-it notepad because you’re going to want to motivate yourself on this, Being Mary Jane style.

Rule #1: Ensure you fall for the other person’s potential before anything even develops.

This is key is the progression of your believed relationship because you can’t see the person for who they are RIGHT NOW (which is usually an inconsiderate and selfish human being). How can you possibly carry out an imaginary relationship if you don’t have a fictitious person to carry it out with? The best person for that position is the other person’s potentially ‘Higher Self’.

Rule #2: Make excuses for why they can’t choose you.

For every mistreatment there’s a justification and you’re obviously the only one who will receive the mistreatment so you’re going to also be the one to justify and excuse the bad behaviour…whether it belongs to the other person or YOU.

Rule #3: Be a liar.

I know it sounds very harsh at first, but as an MVP in the game of Unrequited Love (28yrs undefeated) I know that it takes a lie everyday to get you through. You learn to skilfully lie to your friends about the state of your heart and mind, but also you need to be able to lie to yourself about whose fault it is that you’re on the throne of Ls.

Rule #4: Be busy doing nothing…basically be lazy.

Now this is very key in the journey to the victory lap because the heavy lifting of responsibility, accountability and reality is actually done by the people in healthy and thriving relationships. If this is who you’ve committed to being- you’re going to have to really stop being productive in that department.

Rule #5: Purposefully forget your IDENTITY and self worth.

Now, this is the very pinnacle of the game so you need to pay close attention to it. One’s understanding of one’s Self identity and worth allows them to never be taken for a clown or a poes, and every single time one lives in the truth, when one truly takes what they deserve and cuts humans that suck up energy and space in their lives identity they forfeit the crown of being named “Poes of the Year”.

So as my former highschool principal Mr Van Schalkvyk used to seemingly attempt to warn – in what actually ended up being an obviously annoying and unconvincing tone – “The ball is in your court folks. You determine how this whole thing goes down.”


You need to question whether this game of Boo-Boo-The-Fool is important enough to you or not because if it’s not I would advise you start doing the opposite of these rules. It’s the only way you end up being a fully functioning; healthy and happy adult who loves themselves enough to take themselves seriously.., and who in the world is trying to be one of those? #Sarcasm

Featured image from TheBridalBox.com

Yours in love’s foolishness,
Nongcebo Hlongwane

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4 Comments on “The 5 Rule Guide To Collecting the Love L’s

  1. It took me a while to actually realise that i also have been suffering from unrequited love. I totally can relate to these Red flags. I sincerely admire your work ethic and personally can not wait to hear more of what you have to share with the rest of us.

    1. Thank You so much for the feedback.
      It’s insane how we love blaming other people for taking us for granted when in truth the first person we should point to is ourselves.

      I will definetly keep writing real stories about my own experiences. I just want other ladies to know they’re not alone.

  2. My goodness, I share the same sentiments as you. Thanks so much for sharing this, it’s good to know that not only am I not alone – but there’s someone I can pick up some L’s from ❣️

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