The 4 Stages Of Self-Love


It’s that time of the year again, the month of love and all things romance, VALENTINES MONTH ❣️ First let’s just all agree that it’s not just a “day” anymore – it’s the entire month of February. I’m already seeing advertisements and specials that are set to go on for the entire month and they are EVERYWHERE – it really is becoming team too much!!

Listen I have nothing against the idea of Valentine’s Day, I’m just against the impression that it outcasts all the single ladies out there. I am very much single and as equally excited about this month of love as a person who is in a relationship. 

Love is often portrayed as a feeling between two individuals whether it be mother and daughter, father and son, between siblings or wife and husband – it’s always linked between two individuals. Of course this is true but what about the notion of self-love? Since love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection, why can’t you experience that same affection with YOURSELF?

When are we going to acknowledge that Self-love is as equally important and meaningful as companionship?  I mean, is it possible to truly love someone when you can’t truly love yourself? Self-love anchors our steps when it comes to relationships with others. When you start loving yourself enough, you will begin to see your purpose. I’m still working on self-love, some days I feel like I’ve completely nailed it and then other days I don’t even know why I started the journey. Self-love is a long and tedious daily exercise and it requires you to look at every part of yourself because you can’t love what you don’t know.

I’m no expert on self-love, I’m also still trying to find my way there but I use these 4 different parts to help me along the way:

1. The Mind

I am continuously working at blocking out the negativity that the voices in my head often bring up. I’m still learning so don’t quote me on anything as yet. The trick to mentally improving self-love is to acknowledge the negative thoughts and to realize that they are coming from a place of negativity and not a place of truth. So, whatever negative thing you think about yourself is not necessarily the truth about who you are. 

I sometimes leave the house feeling like a million bucks and as I’m confidently walking in the mall, I will suddenly think: “Your thighs are thunderous, you shouldn’t have worn this dress”. The moment you decide not to take negative thoughts as truths, you’ll be able to turn them off easier and start thinking about something more positive. Don’t bury them in the back of your mind and think over them.

2. The Body

This is still a very difficult part of my self-love journey, and I know so many women that struggle with this as well. First things first, start by appreciating all the parts of your body that you love. Go onto the parts that you don’t love and ask yourself if there is any way of improving them. If you don’t like something, change it and if you can’t change it – accept it. It really is the best option because plastic surgery is expensive and you could use all that money paying for a sexy personal trainer instead 😜

Make sure you look at yourself in the mirror at least twice a day to get more comfortable with your physical appearance. Accept that you are not perfect, and don’t try to be. Know that who you are is someone who is in pursuit of self-fulfillment, not perfection. Take good care of your health and appreciate all that you are physically, mentally, emotionally by dressing well, smelling good, interacting with people and doing things that make you happy.

3. The Heart

Feelings are so messy, they’re as messy as a toddler eating spaghetti and meatballs! The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. It’s too bad because emotional stability is so important, and I can’t stress this enough. Feelings come and go, and that’s the upside. If you let feelings control you, then that means everyone else can control you because the things they say can trigger feelings. You will continue to suffer if you let the negative feelings you feel towards yourself get you to react emotionally. 

Hurt is a part of life; it is what makes us human. Know that your heart will heal from any hurt that it’s been through. Lastly, how you feel is temporary.

4. The Soul

The soul is probably the most important out of the 4, for me at least. I believe that my soul is a living spiritual component within me and has eyes and ears. It latches onto everything that has been said to me and that I’ve said to myself. It’s like an open pit that you keep filling with words. It’s so important for me to speak positive things into my life because I believe I’m sowing positivism into my soul and eventually I will reap that which I’ve sown.

Help your soul to grow by indulging in things that bring you peace. It might be prayer for some or meditation, but let yourself go and allow a higher power to connect with you.

Self-love comes first before any companion, friend and/or relative. 

Once you decide that you are good enough for yourself, it will set you free from the expectations of others. It’s so much easier to connect with your purpose and the people around you when you have a deep sense of acceptance, contentment, satisfaction and narcissism for yourself.  


KADAN(n) “where the heart lies”, an all-purpose word for a person one cares about, including friends, family and loved ones.

*This blog post wa first published on 12 February 2017, here on the insideWomen Blog

Yours in Inspiration,

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