I know I’m the last person to speak on this topic because I’m all about removing myself from situations that hurt me. However, as an evolving woman who’s dealing with different obstacles along my life journey, I’ve come to realise that there’s nothing wrong with reconciliation. I was always under the impression that if you “forgive”, you also have to “forget”. I’m talking “foorrrrgeeeet”, forget that the person ever existed and forget about anything that you’ve shared with them.
This outlook has changed drastically over time, mainly because I’ve been the toxic person on the other end who needed forgiveness. I know what it’s like to make a mistake and hurt someone you never intended to hurt, and I know what’s like when that person wants nothing to do with you ever again. It’s a terrible feeling.
With that being said, I’d hate for someone to base their experience of me on the one mistake I’ve apologised and tried to make amends for. That’s why mending broken bridges is now important to me. Of course, I know some people are better left forgiven and forgotten, because of whatever personal reasons that you cannot overcome.
Sometimes the person isn’t willing to recognise that they were wrong and do right by you, but what about those that know the severity of their wrong actions? If we erase everyone that does us wrong then we’ll be left with a lot of blank pages. It’s okay to let someone right their wrong if they are sincere about doing so. There’s a saying (and I don’t who it’s by) but it goes “don’t burn bridges, you’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river” and I agree with it to some extent. The river may not be the person, it may just be the cause of the conflict – which to me – is more of a concern.
If you’re kicking people out of your life based on similar grounds then it may just be time you face the root of the problem instead of burning bridges. I believe in second chances and for me, mending broken bridges is a big part of that. It’s unfair to not allow someone the opportunity to fix what they’ve broken but ONLY if they are willing to right their wrongs. And I know, some might say that mending bridges is risky because the person might not live up to what they’ve promised, and unfortunately that’s a risk each of us must be willing to take when attempting to mend broken bridges.
You know what I like the most about mending broken bridges? It’s not as difficult as we make it seem or we think it should be. More often than not, we share great memories with people who’ve hurt us (intentionally or intentionally) and all we have to do is try tap into that. Yes, we’re hurt and the relationship is dented but there was once a time where everything about the relationship was perfect and everyone was happy so why can’t we think of those times and who the person is outside of the hurt that they’ve caused you. The key is to be present in the process of mending, to really be enthusiastic about the kind of outcome you want.
Both parties need to be intentional in the way they communicate and always try to meet each other halfway because there are still those underlying emotions of fear and a bit of reservation. It’s important to always verbalise how you feel and keep open communication in order to rebuild the trust and vulnerability.
I love a good story about reconciliation and starting over, you all know this already. Mend those broken bridges, give people a second chance and you’ll be surprised. Sometimes all a person needs is someone to believe that they can do better, someone who’s going to call them to a higher place.
Where the heart lies,