Diary of a Desperate Dieter

In my latest effort to reach my goal weight (again), I’ve found myself having the same conversation with people over and over. “But you look fine” they say, “why do you worry yourself, just enjoy life”, and to some extent they are completely right. To be honest, I don’t NEED to lose weight (although some BMI calculations may disagree), I’m perfectly healthy and there is no medical reason why I should be so obsessed with how I look or how much I  weigh.
I enjoy my food, and the ability to cook, enjoy and share that passion is a big part of my life. However, that is only one part of who I am. I also enjoy being able to wear what I like and express myself in my clothes, I like being able to participate in sports, not pant when I walk up the stairs and just like how I feel about myself without having to put on make up or have my hair done.
If there is anything 4+ years of a healthy-ish lifestyle has gifted me with is self esteem and a positive self-image. Growing up as a chubby baby, toddler, scholar, teen etc. ( you get the idea – I was big for a long time) I hated the fact that I got picked last for any team sport, that I was considered older than my peers, and that I couldn’t shop with my friends. No matter how much positive affirmation my mother gave me, I always felt I had to try harder to fit in and for an introvert like myself, that is absolute torture.
So back to my point, why is my weight such a big deal? Well…
1. For one, it’s great not to have my thighs clap each other when I walk,
2. No bra cutting through my back fat, or
3. That awful feeling when your muffin top rises over your jeans – aaah 😩

But really it is all about how you feel. For me, I feel lighter, less self-conscious and more engaged in life when my body is in a healthier state. The girl on the left was shy and reserved, never initiated conversation with strangers and felt she didn’t fit into the world. Hey, the girl on the right has her issues too, but she knows it’s not because the world is judging her based on her appearance.
Some people can feel like that at any weight, but until I can harness that super-power, it’s carrot sticks and protein shakes (and the odd G&T).
So I am writing to say that if you or a person next to you are pursuing a healthier version of yourself, support it and don’t question it.
Yours in health.

3 Comments on “Diary of a Desperate Dieter

  1. Wow Mpumz, I cannot tell you just how much this post resonates with me. I realised the same thing for myself, but along the way I managed to forget it and gained a whole lot of weight 😩

    Long story short: I have been reminded of the importance (to me) of living a healthy and active life & live is so much lighter and lovelier! Thank you 🌹

  2. That’s great motivation Mpume, can you please share your journey of weight loss . The food, program etc if you don’t mind please.

    1. @Thenjiwe at first I was following The Dukan diet – Ilost 10-12ks in 7months exercising 5-6 times a week. You can buy the book or go on their official website (it’s very detailed and helpful). But eventually I had to experiment with various eating regimes and exercise programs that fit my lifestyle and schedule. Whatever method you decide to use, nothing will work unless you do. All the best in your healthful pursuit 🙂

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